just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
