Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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