then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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