actually, I'm a sock model
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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