woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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