I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
