You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize