i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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