Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
