He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
