I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
