He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
