Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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