What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
