you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
