Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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