About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
