If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
