It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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