At least make sure they are 18
Why
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
