everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
