dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
