He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
