why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
