her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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