her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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