im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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