Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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