Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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