On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
