i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
