On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
