he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
