I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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