I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
