Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
