You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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