and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
