i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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