I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
