About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
