i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
