Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
