His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
