I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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