How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
