i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
