I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
