shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
