you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
