; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
