The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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