my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
