My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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