A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
